Unintentionally

themeninmylife — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 07:20:21 +0000

Unintentionally I was once the “other” woman. What I am about to confess has been buried in the past for a long, long time. He came into my life the first time when I was 15, I was a freshman in high school. It was a brief meeting; his parents were friends of my high school boyfriends’ parents. It was their annual Pig Roast and at least 75 of my boyfriends’ parents’ closest friends were there. I think I might have said, “hi” to him and his girlfriend she-so-and-so when we were introduced. I broke up with my high school boyfriend the beginning of my Junior year of high school. After that, I really had very little interest in boys, I mean they were around and nice to have as friends, until, well…… I ran into him in ‘92. I can’t remember how we officially met. But we did, and we hung out a lot the beginning of the summer between my Junior and Senior year. He was a freshman at University and also a wrestler, which should have been a warning sign. (No offense if you have ever been a wrestler, I just haven’t had good luck with any of them that I have dated). He drove this very cute red convertible sports car. We both had just broken up with our high school sweethearts. We had such a good time together and my mother actually liked him (another warning sign ignored). Things were going well. I was busy with working two jobs that summer. Plus I honestly enjoyed the fact he wasn’t around all the time. I wasn’t being smothered. We talked a lot; there were some awesome kisses, but not much more than simple embraces. His mother had been killed a few years before by a freak accident. And because his parents were divorced, he and his older brother had gotten a huge insurance reimbursement. I honestly didn’t like all the money; it scared the hell out of me then and that fear of men with excessive money followed me throughout my dating career. I never want(ed) to be with someone because of money. I am a true romantic and have always believed in love. Of course it is completely possible at that time in my life I didn’t know the difference between love and attraction. But, hey, I was a kid and new to this whole emotional rollercoaster. That summer was my 18th birthday. My friends planned a surprise party. He told them he had to be at a family event and couldn’t make it. The surprise party really did surprise me and it was great; just as it is now in my life, I love having my close friends around together as a group. It was also the first time I noticed I missed him. I remember really wishing he was there. I called him after the party and he promised to make it up to me. He would take me out on my actual birthday, just a couple days away. I don’t remember the details, but somehow it worked out I was to meet him at his father’s house; it was probably because earlier that day I was coming back from the other side of town and it was on the way. I was really looking forward to our date. I borrowed an outfit from the friend I had visited, spent time in front of the mirror making sure not a detail was missed. When I got to his father’s home, his step mom said he wasn’t there and he wasn’t expected back anytime soon. I was devastated, but figured there had to be a good explanation. I asked my mom, dad, brothers, and sisters daily if he had called in the week that followed. The answer was always, “no”. Pretty quickly I realized I had to face it; it hadn’t been what I thought it had been. I packed up my ego, patted myself on the back for not giving anything up I would have regretted and moved on. It had only been a couple of months, a partial summer fling, and my friends were typically way more exciting to hang out with then any guy anyways. The following spring, within weeks of graduation, he shows up at my work. He asked the bartender if I was there and I was summoned from my section to the front of the restaurant. He quickly tries to explain he had gone to my house, spent some time speaking with my mom and she told him where I was. (MOM!!!!!!) There I found myself, with him was apologizing to me in front of almost all of my coworkers. I wasn’t sure if I should slap him or hug him. The boy apparently has issues, but he lost his mom, something I always had as an excuse for his sometimes bizarre behavior. I think I told him I couldn’t talk while on the clock. He asked if we could meet up later. I was freaking out and stupidly agreed. I vaguely remember something about the local park. I don’t really remember exactly how the whole thing went. I do remember him profusely apologizing for any hurt he may have caused. He told me he was going to a therapist and she had recommended that he contact me for closure. I don’t think she had in mind what really ended up transpiring.

Once again, the hopeless romantic in me decided to play sucker. I knew this time had a definite deadline though. July 8th I was moving out of state to go to college. I think the deadline only made the emotions a little more intense and difficult to understand. I left for college as scheduled, we continued to call each other. I took some summer classes while I got settled into my new apartment. I met a group of people from my hometown area and we decided make the almost 2,000 mile drive home for the break between semesters. I wanted to see what was actually going on between him and me. I wasn’t sure if I could date other people or what exactly was the deal. The break was good, I got to see some of my friends before they left for their perspective colleges’ and He and I spent a lot of time together. A couple of evening before I had to leave to return to school, He and I spent the evening with his childhood friend at his house. We turned a board game into a drinking game. Eleven o’clock rolled around and He decided he had enough and wanted to sleep. He tried coaxing me to come with him, but I was having a good conversation with his friend and I honestly wanted to sober up so I could drive home, I had no intention of staying the night. Begrudgingly he turned in. His childhood friend and I continued our conversation. Within a half an hour of Him turning in, his friend broke the ultimate man code. He told me I was not the only girl in His life; the whole time He had never broken up with she-so-andso (his high school girlfriend). He went on to tell me that when He originally came back he was supposed to apologize and come clean about what he had done. As his friend spoke the whole thing made sense. The missing pieces fell into place. I am pretty sure his friend had gotten me another drink at this point. I was crying and a mess. His friend held me. And I think I might have kissed him before I passed out from a combination of emotional exhaustion and the drinking. When I woke up early the next morning, I left quickly, hoping never to see either of them again. I was not really at the pinnacle of maturity and did get revenge before I left town. I had closure.

Life has brought me to live within less than 5 miles of his father’s house. I have friends who have bought homes in the same neighborhood as where his dads house was. No one really knows about all of this with the exception of my sisters and now you. I don’t typically think about him. Except every now and then when I happen to enter the sub through the south side, the side I don’t typically enter on my way to my friends. Then this story comes rushing back and I remember.

Weakness

themeninmylife — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 06:45:28 +0000

Weakness Short Movie ">

Tonight my husband for the first time in a long time actually tried to talk to me about the break down of our marriage. It might not be a break down in our marriage more I don’t let his stuff get to me anymore. I no longer yearn for his attention. Attention he worked really hard to withhold from me when I would be reaching out to him for years. Tonight he asked why I no longer have time for him. I didn’t know how to say my answer to him even though I know the answer all too well. For years he hasn’t had time for me. He hasn’t had time to listen when I had a bad day or a good day. He hasn’t had time to share much with me about his life outside of our home. So the answer is I am done waiting on you. Done, I am not exactly sure what all that entails but I am done hoping he would be the friend I had wished to have in a husband. I am done wanting a husband who still took his wife out on dates. I am done yearning for a husband who understood me. I am learning I care a little less right now. What a scary place to be in. So this is my weakness right now. It is just as vulnerable as it feels strong and assured.

Men

themeninmylife — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 06:38:15 +0000

There are a lot of them in my life. Some I kind of get, some I don’t remotely care to and some I don’t get at all. This is the stuff I think and sometimes say if anyone listens.

Musings About the Men in My Life Blog

Unintentionally

Weakness

Men